Dear Friends,

Amy and I have always tried to be careful of what we say around our children. Certain topics, including some related to church, have been off limits around Karlie and Grayson. Sometimes this is difficult because we want to say something now, while fresh in our mind and emotions, but the kids were around. Recently, it’s become even more difficult. I can explain with one word – Isaac! If you’ve ever had a two-year-old in your home you know that they are always ready to try repeating anything they hear, always listening and always ready to try repeating anything they hear said. The fact of the matter is that much of what we say, if we can’t say it around the kids, doesn’t need to be said at all.

The Bible has a lot to say about how we use our mouths, even how we use our mouths about the church. The following is part of a wonderful article by David Jeremiah.

“What is it wrong?

Gossiping, complaining and backbiting are wrong because they are sin. They also “sow discord” which is something God hates. (Proverbs 6:19) Remember that if you teach your kids about gossip and backbiting while engaging in it yourself, the only thing your child may learn is what a hypocrite looks like. Ouch!

Am I a pot stirrer?

Officially, the term “pot stirrer” does not appear in the Bible. But we all know one or two. A pot stirrer’s spoon generally sticks to anything negative, and continues stirring until the negativity and discontent thoroughly permeates the Body. God doesn’t call us to beat others down but to lift them up (1 Thessalonians 5:11, 2 Corinthians 13:11). We are to measure our spiritual maturity by the standard Christ set, not by the behavior of others. So let’s not gain encouragement by comparing our own faults to what we perceive as other’s greater faults. Do you openly criticize the pastor’s message? Talk about the way a deacon’s wife dresses? Complain about your child’s teachers? You might be a pot stirrer. Here are three more verses to consider (Proverbs 16:28, 31:27, 11:13 NIV)

What are the causes?

Two main causes the Bible speaks of for this kind of behavior are jealousy and selfish ambition (James 3:13-16). Are you allowing God to use your gifts to their fullest or are you too busy being jealous that someone else is in the ministry role you want? Don’t let pride rob you of the joy of ministering at church.

How will it affect my kids?

On of the major by-products of this type of behavior is the way your children view the church. Constant criticism of people’s actions and cynicism about their motives will lead to your children having a general disrespect for God’s people. They will begin to view the church through the lens of pride and judgment rather than with love an mercy. Eventually, your children may even become detached from the church deciding that “those people” are not worthy to associate with. Finally, because the church is the secondary setting for the teaching of God’s Word (your home should be the first), your children may not only grow disrespect for the church but for God Himself whom the church ought to represent. Be very careful then to speak well of those who minister to your family at church.

Use these Guidelines

Only discuss attitudes or behaviors of someone at church with your child if it directly affects him/her AND he is already aware/concerned on his own AND if there is teaching value in doing so.

Pray before speaking.

Focus on forgiveness.

Don’t speak badly of the person; stick to the known facts.

Spotlight the right behavior God commands.

Food for thought: “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith (Galatians 6:10). Did you get that italicized word? God commands us to do good ESPECIALLY to those of like faith. And it is impossible to do good while complaining and gossiping. So before lunch next Sunday, stop and plan the menu, make certain that the church is not in it.

Prayer: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord my strength and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14”

In Christ,

Tripp